Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
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