I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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