Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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