I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Drunk is a universal language darling
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
