i think my mom watched the whole time
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
