Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
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Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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