Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
