I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
