So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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