I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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