end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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