i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
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She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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