I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
