A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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