Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you traded sex for a burrito?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
