I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
