i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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