i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
