Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
