Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
