I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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