Non-Jews are for practice
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
