And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
