By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
