yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
