The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
