He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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