Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
