Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
