Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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