I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
