his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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