so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
