I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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