Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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