I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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