There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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