im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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