five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
either way he was missing a nipple.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
