All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
We smell like vodka and hangover
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