Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
