You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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