I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
