Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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