You smell like a Billy Joel song
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
