I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
