Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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