According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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