If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
