I hope mine doesn't look like that
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
