i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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