Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
