Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
