Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
