we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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