I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize