I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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