birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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