I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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