He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just forgot I was standing up.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
