Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
