hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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