honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
