I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he told me I talked like a deaf person
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
