Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize