He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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