I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
