I wish I could teleport
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
