Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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